The F***ers that use Dating Apps to Boost Confidence

So I am going to start this post of with a thank you. When I first started this blog I was really nervous about telling people because I just didn’t know how people would react and, to be honest, I didn’t want to deal with the judgment. But, as anyone who knows me can attest, I am practically incapable of keeping anything to myself if I’m excited about it. And so I decided to just go with it and start having the conversations in real life that I began on this blog. So to all of those that have shared their stories and contributed to this ever-expanding conversation – thank you! This post is a product of Dacha brunch, 3 ciders before 2pm, and some downright hilarious conversations. Many men, according to a few guys I talked to at brunch, apparently use Tinder exclusively to boost their confidence.

At first I was like, okay, I do that too. Getting matches makes me feel good and it’s great when you swipe right on someone who could be Scott Eastwood’s twin (if you don’t know who that is – google him. You won’t regret it) and the little “It’s a match!” pops up! So, yes it makes us feel good. But apparently some guys make a Tinder profile, swipe right on a bunch of girls (or guys), wait for the matches to roll in, to get their little confidence boost, and then literally do nothing. They don’t message any of the matches and they don’t respond to any messages they receive. These guys, in my opinion, are the worst kind of people.

In general, I don’t judge your reasons for being on a dating app. Whether you’re looking for a one night stand, just trying to see what’s out there, or looking for the love of your life, as long as you are honest in your profile and in your conversations, you do you. But this one bugged me. So I decided to do an experiment. For 3 days straight I trolled Tinder and swiped right on a bunch of moderately attractive guys that all had something in their profile that screamed, “I am trying to sound cool to mask how afraid I am of vulnerability #masculinitysofragile.”

And here’s what I found in my completely non-scientific, spur of the moment, half-planned experiment: of the 40 guys that I matched with, exactly two messaged me. This was really interesting data for me because, if this had been just a normal 3 days, I would maybe have matched with one or two of them. But it definitely got me thinking about how our own insecurities and sources of confidence influence how we swipe. Had a really bad day at work and a promising match fizzled out? I might be a little less picky that day. Had an amazing third date and on cloud 9? I might not message that guy back, even if he is very attractive. So, yes, we are all governed by our own experiences and state of mind. But here is a PSA for all the guys (and girls) out there – don’t knowing take your own insecurities and make them someone else’s problem. It’s not right and it’s not fair. Time to start #adulting and go to therapy.

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